You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. What do you call a lion playing golf? Knock, knock I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. Noah who? How the heck did that happen? What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Andy. 2. Clubbing. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Sunday Service. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! About 160 yards was his reply. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. 2. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. Boo. Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Photo: Shutterstock. Dirty Golf Sayings. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. My drives aren't always long and straight. P.G. Wodehouse Sam Snead. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! They expect to succeed! Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Sawdust City LLC. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? Fore! Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. I like to go low. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. What is a golfers favorite bird? Here, have a carrot! Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Are you into kinky stuff? How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." Lift your head and spread your legs. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Your email address will not be published. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Because he thought every day he needed to play around. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. You need to adjust your grip. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! Lift your head and spread your legs. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. 4. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! Which is the easiest golf stroke? Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. What did the duck say to the golf ball? Golf?! Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. 3. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Because all the other four letter words were taken. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Do you know what the Lama says? The other 20. He couldnt stop puttzing around! Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Go to the golf course. Damn, girl. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. -Happy Gilmore. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Fore-get Me Nots. See you in the Email! It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Wodehouse, 31. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Check it out now! William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. the flag cant jump. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? What did the golfer say after performing yoga? All of them. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Always keep learning. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Golf is a puzzle without an answer. 19. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. Watch their eyes. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? How far do you hit it? said Palmer. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Bruce Lansky. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Your email address will not be published. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. Thats incredible. P.G. Find the ball. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. "I'm the best. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. 21. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. And now it will be poisoned for you. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Nothing it should have ducked. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. I stepped on a rake.". Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Drops him off at the golf course! "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". Id cry too if I played golf like you. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. I chipped in from the rough! She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." "Hockey is a sport for white men. P.G. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Golf is like doing your taxes. Are you looking for some funny jokes? 3. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. Clubbing. 1. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Because her coach was a pumpkin. Roarin' Mcllroy Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. On a golf course, nature is neutered. Just ask my ex -wives. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? Please sign up with your best email address. Achieve more with each and every round you play. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. no! 2. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A dinner without wine. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. Please add a link to this article. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. Golf is a lot like life. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. putt." Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. Do you share these funny golf jokes? All the fans are gone! Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. 2. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? Whos there? His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. If we . What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. Your email address will not be published. And that thought is: Dont think. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. I'm Tiger Woods. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Because he walked into the wrong club! Boo who? "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! He attacks it. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? For true success, it matters what our goals are. I know what to look for. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. All lip, no hole. One minute youre bleeding. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. Mini Golf Captions. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. Spread your legs a little more. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Dean Martin, He loved the game. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Everyday I'm Schauffele. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. And there are windmills. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Just tap it in. I never prayed that I would make a putt. Choose One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Golf is very much like a love affair. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. Their fore-fathers! THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. 6. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. He said. 3 of 10. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. 3. I'll let you beat me. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". The right place is right here with me, in my bed. In the Golf of Mexico! With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. A fan in the crowd said Mr. You look like someone who likes to swing. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. "Golf is like a love affair. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? You shot an eight. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." I've got some good news. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. Because you got me soaking wet. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Play golf. Toggle Navigation Menu . At the golf corpse! Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here.
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