How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? And another wife Mrs. Kamal reported," in the beginning when I thought about the second wife I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurts me." The purpose of this study is to investigate married womens experiences in polygamous marriages and their ways of coping to accept this relationship. In most cases the husband will go back to the wife and apologise after his elders have spoken to him. In the normal course of events theres no need for formal structures in polygamous relationships as the wives usually work most things out for themselves, he says. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. Cross-Cultural Research. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. mortality is outrageously high and t But the . Also, if your husband has financial problems, he had no right to marry you in the first place. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. The positive side of the study is to explore the advantages and strategies used by polygamous women were very significant. With over 100k combined users in countries around the world (including 2,000 active users in Canada), Chaiwala's latest move is to launch a Google Play app for SecondWife.com, to bring polygamy . Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. I will make another video using your. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. U.S. immigration law frowns on being married to more than one person at the same time, and prohibits both bigamists and polygamists from becoming naturalized citizens. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. A couple of years after her mother's death, Deschamps' father remarried in an LDS Temple and was sealed to his second wife. composed of two imperfect people. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. She told, It was very shocking and tragic for me to have another female in my husband's life". Some children may not accept a new mother or father figure, so instilling values or upholding rules with them may prove difficult. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. Holloway ID, Ansari D. Mapping numerical magnitudes onto symbols: The numerical distance effect and individual differences in childrens mathematics achievement. But after few months it was disclosed. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. 2007; 21(1), 108-127. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. Second marriages are like that. Eleven women participated in the study. polyandry, marriage of a woman to two or more men at the same time; the term derives from the Greek polys, "many," and anr, andros, "man." When the husbands in a polyandrous marriage are brothers or are said to be brothers, the institution is called adelphic, or fraternal, polyandry. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. 2.Explain the nature of your relationships with co-wives. He killed her when I was nine years old and he was arrested. Its not like I wasnt married before, too. She was blended with her husband by love marriage. I'm seven months pregnant. They get along because this is normal to them they have agreed to it., We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. She said that she and her husband was working in the same organization. The co-wives were approached from their homes. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? It was hell for my mom and me afterwards, Evelyn says. It could have been the man's problem too. One of the hardest aspects of being a second wife is having to deal with the emotional baggage of the failed marriage. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. According to Ali Kurbanov, a 27-year-old practicing Muslim who is also looking for a second wife, it is difficult for a woman to agree to her husband's second marriage, however, if a woman. She stated out of sight, out of mind, She preferred the living arrangement. In Pakistan culture, most polygamous women get relief in religious practices and other activities as one of the senior wives (Mrs. Amir) said "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayer and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." Yet we make as felicitous a stepfamily as you are likely to find. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. 4. But that doesnt mean that they arent a little wounded. 2010;57(1): 121-127. He's not a wealthy man, he has another family and I accepted that.'. Thats life. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. 2014; 8-10. Ibn Qudamah writes: disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Mrs. Tanveer was 39 years old lady. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? Mrs. Kamal also has a good relationship with her co-wife. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. But when a man marries for the second time he knows what he's getting into. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? Archives of Women's Mental Health. You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. 2006;52(1); 5-17. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. It stayed almost one year that we hide our relation to his first his wife, because he told me, that he want to inform his wife, when he will be in front of her, since that she was in her home country and it . Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. However, several limitations exist. Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. The newlyweds moved to Soweto where they started a family after Nomqondiso died. The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. Journalism strengthens democracy. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. Incidentally, polygamy is illegal for non-Muslims according to Federal law but is allowed for Muslim men under Sharia Law. Co-wife conflict and co-operation. Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong, we get hurt. Stanford University Press. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. 1. Wed both been married before, but does that really matter? Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. International Journal of Mental Health. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. There are many stereotypes associated with being a second wife. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. But thats not how it works out for everyone. Crookston EM. Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. Mrs. Abdullah also told though they have minor disputes among co-wives still they help each other. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships.
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